Reward Systems
1. Identify 1-3 'target behaviors.' I'd start with one and then gradually increase over time. These will be behaviors that you are going to reward. You want to frame these target behaviors in the 'positive opposite.' This means that instead of 'I don't want X to argue with me' or 'I don't want X to fight with his brother,' we want to identify what we WANT to see (not what we DON'T want to see). This could be 'I want my child to comply with a request with no more than two reminders' or 'I want to see my child using gentle hands with siblings.'
2. You will then sit down with the child and develop a reward menu. This brainstorming should include the children to increase their buy-in with the system. With the development of the reward menu, you want to put ALL ideas (even those that are ridiculous/expensive - like a pony or an Xbox). This ensures that the child feels heard. These rewards do not have to be put on the final chart, but in the brainstorming phase, include all ideas and praise their willingness to contribute to the process (e.g., 'what a creative idea!' or 'thanks for being so helpful, I'm proud of you'). You will want to identify rewards that are big and small (e.g., picking a toy from the dollar store as a small reward and a new Lego set as a larger reward). You will also want to include some free rewards (a trip to the park, playing a board game with parents, shooting hoops with a parent, etc.).
3. Develop a visual aid to track their progress. Reward trackers are most effective when they are tangible (e.g., tokens/stickers instead of tallies/check marks). You also want to 'earn up' and not 'punish down.' This means that you want the child to start at 0 and move up with each time they engage in the target behavior RATHER than starting with 10 points a day and losing a point each time they do something naughty. Adding points is a reward and deducting points is a punishment.
4. Plan ahead for any obstacles to your system and troubleshoot those before implementing the plan. If issues arise after the system has been started, you can always make tweaks. This is bound to happen, as the first few weeks of the system are trial-and-error.
5. Plan to start the system on a weekend where you don't have much going on, so you can dedicate that time to looking out for target behaviors. We want to be as consistent as possible, especially in the beginning, or we'll lose their buy-in.
6. Minimize, as much as possible, the time between the target behavior and the reward. You want to make this immediate to strengthen the association between desired behavior and reward. You can keep tokens in your purse and car - if the child engages in desired behaviors, you don't have to wait until you get home to provide them. The more immediate the feedback, the better.
7. You want to avoid all-or-none rewards. Essentially, do not expect perfection. For instance, if you require the child to complete their morning routine without reminders each day of the week, then if they mess up on Monday, they are not going to try for the remainder of the days. I would avoid a weekly system in general. Daily rewards are best.
8. Every couple of weeks (possibly more frequently), change the rewards to maintain the novelty of the system. This is why the brainstorming session is so important - you'll have plenty of alternatives to swap in and out.
9. Once the behavior has been maintained for several weeks (4-6 weeks), you can phase out that target behavior and choose a new behavior to focus on.
10. THIS IS IMPORTANT - Do not remove rewards as a punishment. Once the reward is earned, it cannot be removed. If you need to give a consequence for bad behaviors, you will need to have consequences that are not tied to the reward system. Parents make this mistake all the time - for instance, they provide screen time if the child engages in a target behavior, then remove screen time as a punishment. If you want to use screen time as a reward, you will need to brainstorm other consequences.
Target Behavior Examples
- I want X to walk away from his sibling when his sibling is annoying him
- I want X to use a coping strategy when he is feeling upset (I can provide you with some ideas for items that you can put in a 'calm down' box).
- I want X to tell me when he is getting upset
Reward Examples (these will need to be something that you don't already do 'for free')
- Picking the pizza toppings for Pizza night
- Picking the movie/tv show for family movie night
- Additional screen time
- Picking any one thing from the dollar store
- Getting a manicure/pedicure
- Money
- Any leisure activity (sports, board game, arts & crafts, shopping, etc.) with mom or dad
- New clothes, shoes, stuffed animal, toy, candy/treat, arts/craft supplies
- Trips (Barton Springs, kids museum, movie theater, putt putt, bowling)
